The sight of a blank blogpost makes me nervous. I haven't been able to write in a while. I'm feeling a bit disillusioned with the internet at the moment. I'm also feeling less desire to record the events around here. I'm not sure why, but that's how it is.
I haven't taken any pictures in over a month. How strange. Things are just going along as normal. We haven't had time to do any really fun stuff. I stopped babysitting last week and I'm still adjusting to this break. I also started working for a friend of mine and I've been enjoying doing some learning for the first time in a while.
We continue to struggle with outbursts, radical moodiness and unpredictability with our oldest. She is wired in such a way that I don't know how to handle her. I did take her to the Dr. to try to rule out blood sugar problems, her blood sugar was fine even first thing in the morning with no breakfast. So, now I am trying to decide if it's bad enough for therapy. Some days it is totally fine and others it is just unreal how out of control she can be. I feel bad for her. The other girls are starting to copy her behaviors a lot and that really bothers me.
I'm working hard to stop blaming myself for faults in my children. I also have to stop blaming parents in general for faults in their children. It's hard to balance that with the fact that we do as parents have a huge influence on our kids. But, in the end they are human and they will make mistakes. It's not my fault just like it's not their fault that I sometimes lose control. I have a lot to learn still.
I have a Kindergarten Screening for KM today. I'm feeling conflicted. Excited, nostalgic and sad.
And I wish my house looked awesome instead of messy and scattered.