the self

The sight of a blank blogpost makes me nervous.  I haven't been able to write in a while.  I'm feeling a bit disillusioned with the internet at the moment.  I'm also feeling less desire to record the events around here. I'm not sure why, but that's how it is.

I haven't taken any pictures in over a month.  How strange.  Things are just going along as normal.  We haven't had time to do any really fun stuff.  I stopped babysitting last week and I'm still adjusting to this break.  I also started working for a friend of mine and I've been enjoying doing some learning for the first time in a while.

We continue to struggle with outbursts, radical moodiness and unpredictability with our oldest.  She is wired in such a way that I don't know how to handle her.  I did take her to the Dr. to try to rule out blood sugar problems, her blood sugar was fine even first thing in the morning with no breakfast.  So, now I am trying to decide if it's bad enough for therapy.  Some days it is totally fine and others it is just unreal how out of control she can be.  I feel bad for her. The other girls are starting to copy her behaviors a lot and that really bothers me.

I'm working hard to stop blaming myself for faults in my children.  I also have to stop blaming parents in general for faults in their children.  It's hard to balance that with the fact that we do as parents have a huge influence on our kids.  But, in the end they are human and they will make mistakes.  It's not my fault just like it's not their fault that I sometimes lose control.  I have a lot to learn still.

I have a Kindergarten Screening for KM today.  I'm feeling conflicted.  Excited, nostalgic and sad.

And I wish my house looked awesome instead of messy and scattered.

1 comment:

Karen said...

Hey Angie
Gosh you have a lot going on! I know you are training for your race & I love seeing how far you've run and am so proud of you! I know you are working through the emotions of not seeing daily the boy that you have been babysitting for a few years - that is an adjustment for sure. And to hear about your oldest and her emotions is also rough. Just wanted to say hey and let you know I'm thinking of you and will say a prayer for you. HUGS