Half Marathon Synopsis

Last Sunday I rolled out of bed at 4 am.  I hadn't slept well, I was dreaming of running and getting lost and who knows what else.  I was kindof relieved to be getting up and finally accomplishing my goal of running the Chicago Half Marathon.

It was great weather, a bit overcast, 60ish degrees and well - dark to begin with.  We carpooled to the race to get good parking and arrived around 5:15.  By 6:30 we were ready to go.  We had all used the bathroom several times (you should have seen the number of port-a-johns!), checked our gear and were standing just feet from the start line.  Okay - more like the start block.  I have never seen anything like it.

They set up the start line in lettered segments they call corrals.  You have a letter on your bib that matches where you should start.  The idea is that the slower people start later than the faster people.  So, we gathered into a corral (you can actually start anywhere - they don't check) and readied ourselves. 

I was running with three of my Team Rise training buddies.  This was awesome.  It really helps the nerves you feel standing in the midst of 12K + runners to have three friends to stand there with you.  Two of them had done this before which was even better.

Jenny, Kathy and I

10 minutes later we reached the actual start of the race.  With all the electronics and interference, I quickly realized that my Pandora and Runkeeper apps were useless.  Oh well.  I did have some music on my iPhone but I hadn't really checked to see what.  I ended up listening to Old 97's, Prayer Chain and Norah Jones.  Not exactly running music, but it did keep me calm.

The race went well.  We ran hard, laughed a lot and I stared wide-eyed at the craziness of it all.  We ran shoulder to shoulder, dodging other racers for the first 3 miles.  We all agreed that this was good distraction.  One of the gals kept close track of the time and we found that we were ahead of our pace quite a bit.  A good way to start!

As we headed into mile 5, one of my running buddies decided to actually run now.  That was the last I saw of her until the end.  She is nearly 10 yrs older than me and is an amazing athlete!  Kathy, Christine and I stuck together nearly to the end.  We kept each other going, we talked when we needed distraction, we kept quiet when we were too tired to breathe.  I was amazed at how much their support carried me through.  

I was so happy to see Anna (and family) at mile 10!

The last mile was tough.  Kathy sped up to try to beat her goal.  Christine and I stuck together until she sped ahead.  I just tried to keep upright.  

With a finish time of 2:08, I ended up ahead of my best ever pace and loved every minute of it!  Best of all, I was able to raise well beyond my goal of $2000 and really make a difference for Angola!  

I'm happy to let you know that someone has offered to match every donation from now until the Chicago Marathon up to $50,000!  Please donate now if you haven't yet.  It'll go twice as far!

Go Team Rise!  We still have a large team running the Chicago Marathon on October 7th!  

I made it!  

Changed

I've always lived with this knowledge that I am flawed.  I hear these phrases in my head,

"You're just like your mom."
"You're too shy."
"You need to listen more."
"Don't speak your mind so much."

Some of the words are true - perhaps all of them are true - but they are not helpful.  I have found them so loud in my head that they completely paralyze me.  And on the really bad days, they generally spiral down to even worse, completely untrue statements of failure, despair and shame.

About a year ago I was so burdened by it all that I decided to go for some counseling.  My mother is a trained counselor and I grew up going to counseling throughout high school.  I know that when it is all more than you can handle, you get help.

I found a great counselor and began a process.  I discovered where those phrases came from - the root of the downward spiral I so often slide down.  It was dramatic and powerful when I decided to stop blaming and pitying and just love myself.

At the same time as the counseling I read an amazing book about self confidence.  At the time, I was so embarrassed to be reading a book about self esteem, that I didn't check it out from the library - I just sat and read it in the corner.  All in one sitting.

As I typed the list in the beginning, I automatically typed the next four phrases.


"Grow."
"Be."
"Do more."
"Give more, take less."

This is the new end of my spiral.  At first I had to work very purposefully to think those thoughts.  I didn't want to.  Honestly, it was hard.

But, over time I have been able to add even more.  Thoughts I never thought I'd be able to think on my own.

"You are a good friend."
"You encourage others."
"You show love and kindness to those around you, regardless of status."
"You are worthy."

Those words come from God.  Those words are only true because of His work, His sacrifice and His gift.  He is the true transformer of my life.  Without Him I am nothing.

The 5K

I'm ready. Let's do this. twitter.com/fab_angie/stat…
— Angie Butcher (@fab_angie) June 17, 2012

I feel a little behind the times.

I just ran my first 5K at 34 years old. I don't feel that old.  But, I don't really feel any younger.  It is such a strange place to be at.

The run was fine.  I was super nervous and pretty much wanted to throw up.  It is a strange feeling to be starting with 300 some other people all crowded together.  I certainly wasn't in a hurry to get going but I couldn't help but think - "I can certainly run this faster than him/her."  I doubt I will be thinking that for one minute at the half-marathon.  This race had many families (entry age minimum was 6) and racers of all ages.  I felt pretty comfortable.  And super nervous.

I tried to pace myself and actually did a pretty good job but I was just so anxious.  I wanted to be going faster but I didn't want to make myself sick.  I know how much harder it is if I push past my limits and I would end up being slower really.

I'm happy with my finish time but I realize that I'm just beginning.  I only ran 3.1 miles, I still have 10 more miles to add on in the next few months!

Back on the road today - I start running 4 days a week now.  I'm hoping for cool early mornings!