Comparing yourself

Anyone else do this?  I thought comparing myself to others was bad but since I've had kids it has taken on a whole new flavor.

It's SUPER easy to compare your kids and your family to someone else.  Both positively and negatively.

I talk to other moms and I swear their kids do not fight like mine do.  They do not nod their head in agreement as I describe the level of cruelty I hear on a daily basis.

My strongest desire as a Mom is to see my kids get along.  And yet, I feel I have the worst kids in that regard.  I'm working hard to stop focusing so hard on it and start focusing on being kind to them myself.

Dang - finger points back at self...  I definitely struggle with kindness, patience and showing love in all situations.  And I am horrified when I see those same struggles in my kids.

So - here enters grace.  God's grace covers me for all those shortcomings and it also COMPLETELY covers my kids. And I must model grace to them.  So, I will step back, take a deep breath and calmly tell them to cut it out, love each other and then I will force them to hug.  Because I think that just might work.

Plus, pictures like this are good reminders that my girls really do love each other.

A summer schedule update

I have faithfully printed out a new schedule at the beginning of each week.  We have time for TV, computer, reading, play, lunch, snacks and more.  It is not written in stone but gives us a general outline to follow.

The verdict:

Kids - some of them love it and some of them can't read yet.  So, the child that needs a lot of structure finds great comfort in a plan.  She doesn't always like the lack of activities on any given day but she has found ways to entertain herself.  The one who can't read would be fine with less structure.  She just waits to be told what we'll be doing next.  And my middle girl is pretty happy no matter what.

Mom - this is the best plan ever.  I finally have something to point to when they are bored.  I can say - oh well, you should be watching TV right now (they are pretty excited when I remind them of that activity) or you should be working on your chores.  If they play nicely together I try to leave them alone.  They generally do enjoy being together.

Dad - I think he enjoys not having wandering, annoying, bored, frustrated children in the house.  Since he works at home and shows up upstairs several times a day, it helps them if they are fairly settled and occupied.

Outings (like this one to the Graue Mill) are part of our weekly plan.

We have found time this summer to take family walks, have family game nights, enjoy our fire pit in the evenings, read books aloud and just enjoy being together.  There is a sense of calm and peace most days that is truly welcome and wonderful.

Timeout!

Mommy is on timeout.

Kitty Peace

This day started out badly and has continued on a bad streak.  My oldest informed me that the minor changes I had made to our schedule were unacceptable.  Then the conversation turned into all the reasons she is unhappy and why she wants to move and how the neighbor kids are mean.  Phew.

I want to fix it for her.  I want her to be well liked and popular and generous.  All the things I wasn't as a child.  My mom tried telling me that I had to be less bossy and more outgoing or else I'd never have any friends.  I'm tempted to say that same thing but I know that those words left me feeling alone and unlikeable.  So, I try to listen and offer gentle guiding words. It feels pointless.  Kids don't give much positive feedback.  I think you just throw kind words in their direction as often as possible and hope that some of them hit the mark.

I'm on timeout to remind myself that I'm not a failure, that it's okay if we don't go on an adventure each day.  It's okay to be frustrated by the petty arguments of children.  It's okay to eat when hungry and not worry about my waistline.  It's definitely okay to take a timeout before losing my temper.

Thinking calm thoughts....